Lust or Love
by Bronz
Summary: Aged 18, Ethan and Lizzie hook up, but after an accidently kiss with Gordo, Lizzie is now on a chase for Gordo's affection. *bad language* lol. Read it.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Disney or Lizzie McGuire. I wish!  
  
You know me, I'm eighteen years old, independent women of the world. I, Lizzie McGuire can smoke, vote and have sex. I'm free; my life is just beginning. I wondered if this free woman could fall in love too? What do you know about lust? I'll tell you about lust. That nasty thing that you just can't stop yourself from feeling, sure, I would be great just to be able to disregard that nasty lust thing but we just can't. Ethan Craft. He's lust, but he was never love. He's the guy you can't help but stare at. When he walks in the room all conversations stop and all eyes divert to him. I guess girls get used to the fact they can't and never will have him. Never have a chance to be with him. That is why he is just lust and not love. Ethan Craft has an incredible irresistible charm. One touch and you give in. The man is striking. When he smiles girls faint. He's born to be a movie star, or model. He has intense eyes that you just crumble at. When lust like Ethan Craft returns your feelings it never even occurs that this lust is no good for you, or that you might have something out there, which is so much better, someone who would do anything for you. When a person like Ethan Craft asks out a girl like me, there is automatic response that he would expect, and an answer expected of you to say. You just don't say no to Ethan Craft. Did it really matter if he was a player? That he didn't even respect me? Even when he cheated on me again and again? When he didn't even really listen, when he didn't even believe me? Did that matter? No, because no one says no to Ethan Craft, simply because he was Ethan Craft. The guy that everyone wanted, and the fact you get to date him is reason enough to be thanking heaven above. Something like that never happens to a girl like me  
  
"Hey, yo Lizzie? "Yes, Ethan?" I always called him Ethan. It was like I was trying to getting use to passing that word pass my lips. "What you doing this Sat.? I thought we could go to dinner or something? "Yeah! Yeah. Lets. I'd really like that." "Coolie. I'll pick you up at your place round, say seven?" Now Miranda and was jealous but happy for me at the same time. Miranda was great about it in fact. The good thing about her is that she tells me exactly how she feels about something. Miranda would be straight and tell me if she was pleased or irritated about an issue, Gordo though, he was different, he would conceal all inside him and then out of the blue he would just explode.  
  
"Miranda, Ethan Craft, yes I said Ethan Craft just asked me out." "You're fucking joking!" She squealed. " Oh my God Lizzie. Wow! I'm so jealous. But that's so damn cool. You're so lucky." Everyone told me that, that I was so lucky. Ethan was treated like he was better than other men. One date that's all it takes to realize everything you thought was right was wrong. "When?" Miranda asked me. "Saturday at seven, we are going to dinner." I informed her. "Have you told Gordo yet?" "Yeah, see I was kinda hoping I wouldn't have to tell him, like ever." Miranda gave me a look. " Miranda if you or me tell him you know that he will only flip about it. Miranda I don't want him to think I'm shallow and stuff. Please don't tell him. It's only one date. He doesn't need to know."  
  
My mistake is that last sentence I spoke. It would hurt me if Gordo hadn't told me something like that. Best friends should tell everything to each other. I shouldn't have done that to him. The week passed by slowly, every time Ethan saw me at school he would give me a cheeky wink. I remember I was talking to Miranda and Gordo and he came up behind me and greeted my friends while he groped my ass. Neither of them saw. Then he just left. On our first date I got up late that day and spent the whole day choosing an outfit and thinking about that night. I sat with my brother Matt and parents in front of the television in the evening around six thirty. Ethan arrived at eight thirty at my door, an hour late, he whisked me away in his car and we ate at a quiet restaurant. He had been there a lot. All the waiters knew him and they all congratulated him on bringing yet another girl to the restaurant on a date. Ethan didn't make me feel special or worth his time. He made me feel like I was another trophy on his tasteless wall, like I was a piece of meat. I'm not saying he was the worst person on earth to date, he always knew just what to say and he was funny. I saw Ethan more of a friend rather than a boyfriend.  
  
The first time we made out was in his car, on our fifth date. Ethan was an extraordinary brilliant kisser. But it's all expertise and practise isn't it? Gordo still didn't know about Ethan and I. Gordo was in a media skill class outside of school. It was every Saturday till late so he wouldn't notice anyway. Ethan and I were friendly in school, but no one would have ever thought we were going out. Ethan used to say corniest lines to me sometimes, but when it came from Ethan Craft the object of desire their meanings seemed less meaningless. Ethan would say some damn thick, stupid things as well.  
  
" You have eyes like blue berries Lizzie babe." Blue berries? Idiot! I giggled at the 'compliment' at the time, looking back on it I think its one of the stupidest things ever uttered by a man. He then leaned over and kissed me. I tried to stop him, but then it occurred to me, the thought of it sunk in finally, Ethan Craft wants to kiss you, erm duh? Let him. We were sitting in his car at midnight. It wasn't very romantic and I guess we didn't get to far so it wouldn't matter. We were in an empty parking lot in the centre of town. A loud car approaching attracted our attention and we stopped kissing. I recognized the car. It was a shittie red automobile that had no windows or a roof. It was Gordo's car; there was doubt about it. I saw him climb into it and start it but the engine died. Gordo let his car door fly opened got out and kicked it shut.  
  
" You crappy piece of shit!" He yelled at it and lifted the bonnet to examine the engine. Gordo didn't know anything about engines but I knew he would always try at least try to fix it. I guessed he sensed Ethan and I were staring him at because he turned his head to us. Ethan held me in his arms. Trust me the sight must not have looked good. He looked at me but it didn't seem he recognized me.  
  
" Hey, Lizzie it that you?" he questioned.  
  
"Hey Gordo, erm...what's up?" I replied panicking. "Sup' Gordon?" Ethan said without a clue in the world. I rolled my eyes at the thought. "Are you guys,' he paused, I could tell he was searching for words, "well, you guys making out?" "Yeah." Ethan replied proudly. " You kinda interrupted man." I cut Ethan off. "What you doing here so late Gordo?" "My media class. Sorry I interrupted, you guys. you know. like.making out. Lizzie erm, why didn't you tell me?" Gordo choked out. "Gordo I didn't think you would understand." " Were you planning never to tell me? "No." "No?" "Well maybe." " You know what, whatever McGuire." He pushed the bonnet down and leapped into his car; he turned the key and drove off. I told Ethan to take me home and he did so. The day after was an awkward one. Gordo didn't speak to me at all. He would look me directly in the eye and not utter a single word. He made me feel cheap. Miranda was her normal chirpy, happy, hyper self. I took her aside at the end of the day. "Miranda, help me, Gordo is pissed cause he saw me making out with Ethan last night." "You made out with Ethan Craft. Already?" "Miranda, can we focus here?" "I knew this was a bad idea." "Miranda, I need help." " Alright, I'll talk to him Lizzie. Don't worry." I trusted her. Miranda got a lift home from school with him, while I paced homebound. No I didn't have a car. I walked. Gordo and her rode together silently until Miranda turned the radio off and commanded, "Gordo stop this car." "Miranda what's wrong?" Miranda gave him a glare. He carted the car over instantly. "What is your fucking dilemma with Lizzie, Gordo?" "Oh, that, nothing. I don't have a fucking dilemma Miranda." He suddenly bashed the steering wheel with his fist " God damn it." He put his head in his hands. "Gordo, come on I can't read your mind, tell me." Miranda said. " I don't know what to tell you Miranda. What do you want me to tell you, huh? I saw her and him making out last night. Making out! I didn't even know they were dating. But you knew didn't you? How could she tell one of her best friends and not the other? We are supposed to be best friends, ALL of us and can't even tell she is dating some nobles dickhead, she doesn't trust me even with this precious information! Then what? What am I allowed to know? Or do I have to wait to have my feelings hurt first? Lizzie always took me for granted. I have to wait and see her make out with this halfwit brainless son of a bitch before I get to know any shit in her life. What the fuck is with her?" Gordo finished and Miranda took it all in, and began to laugh slightly to herself. "Gordo! Are you even listening to yourself? Why do you even give a damn? Anyway she didn't tell you because she said you would just think that she was shallow and shit." Gordo shook his head. " I would never think that." Miranda burst out with laughter. "What?" Gordo said insulted. "Gordo, admit it your just jealous." "Jealous? I wasn't jealous it was, it was like, I couldn't, it was just so..." "Painful." Gordo stared vacantly at Miranda. He blinked and then screwed his eyes up strongly; he pictured it in his head again Ethan holding Lizzie just using her. When his eyes unlocked once more a tear almost dropped. He put his hand on his chest and faced forward. "It hurt." Gordo alleged refilling the memory. Miranda smiled at her friend. " Love does that.' She whispered. Gordo snapped his head at Miranda. " Yeah, it does." Gordo whispered back. Gordo hugged Miranda and dropped her home. He was thankful for her help, Miranda putting it was bluntly had made it seem so obvious, but it was untouchable at the same time. Gordo had to eventually give it a label, what he felt for Lizzie had been strong for years, but whenever he tied to be honest with himself he would force himself to think of something, just to keep his mind of it. Falling in love with Lizzie was taboo, but it was happening. But Gordo knew it hadn't just happened, it had been there all there lives.  
  
I called Gordo that night I really needed to talk to him. Miranda hadn't given any details about her little discourse with him and only told me that everything was cool between him and me. Ethan had invited me to a massive house party, which I hoped he would go to with me. I spoke with him on the phone. He avoided the issue and we pretended that nothing was wrong. I told him about the house party and he was keen on coming, then I said Ethan would be there to. "Ethan Craft!" Gordo shouted back down the line. "Yeah, he's taking us there." I replied. "Lizzie is Ethan your boyfriend? Are you guys in a relationship?" I hadn't even thought about if we were in a relationship or not. I was just dating my crush. "Well I don't really know." I returned. "You don't know? Well you are or you're not. Which is it?" Gordo said firmly. " Why are you doing this?" I retorted. "Lizzie I care about you. I want to know what happens to you. I don't even know what I would do without you. I hate thinking about, but I know my world would fall to pieces." Gordo said sincerely. " You're my friend and I love you, as a friend of course."  
  
" I love you as well, you know as a friend of course."  
  
Gordo did think about me; I would fall to pieces without him too. He's apart of my heart. He's the greatest guy in the world. No one's ever been better to me; Gordo was a good kind person, he had a rich soul and he had a feeling that went deep when he said things like that. He would never lie to me about his feelings toward me. "Come to the house party Gordo. Please lets just have fun together, with Miranda. Remember, before all this?" "I'll think about Lizzie." "Gordo why are you so upset about this. Ethan and I made out! So what? Gordo you get like this time at every boyfriend I have ever had." "I worry about you Lizzie." he sighed extremely. "I'll come to the party if you want." "Great. You won't regret it." We hung up. I rang Miranda and she was all for the party. We met up on the evening at Miranda's place and Ethan picked us up, an hour delayed at around eleven o'clock. We walked in, I think it might have been just me but I thought we stuck out a mile. The house was three stories high. Cheers and loud rap music vibrated through the floorboards. The house wasn't well lit; couples kissed all around us, and beer bottles lay around the entire litter- covered floor. Groups of people gathered and talked. More and more people came entering through the door. We didn't know anyone at the party. But that never bothered Miranda who was the first to raid the liquor cabinet. It wasn't long before Miranda was smashed out her brains. She sat on the sofa with a bottle of Jack Daniels tightly gripped in her hand. She laughed manically at people's jokes and began flirtingly madly with all the guys. She was having a lot of fun. Gordo hung out with me mostly. He never gave Ethan and I a chance to be alone. So Ethan wondered off somewhere leaving Gordo and I alone. We heard a sharp crackle and recognized Miranda. She had taken her top off and wondered around in a black strapless top. Gordo and I stared.  
  
"Is she going to be alright?" I asked Gordo half trying to start a conversation, half concerned about Miranda. Gordo smiled wickedly.  
  
"I'm following Miranda's fine example." I looked at Gordo for an explanation. But instead of answering me he approached the drunken Miranda and snatched her bottle of alcohol and began drinking with her.  
  
"Okay Gordo, get pissed, drink yourself blind!" I called after him. " Just leave me here alone." I said under my breath.  
  
Ethan had run off to another part of the residence. He talked with odd girls and disappeared for short spans of time. I didn't know this at the moment in time but Kate Saunders would tell me something very interesting tomorrow. An hour passed. I danced to the music but was pretty much alone. I entered the space I had last since Miranda and Gordo getting drunk in. Miranda was still there getting cosy on the sofa with two hot guys. She noticed and winked at me but Gordo was nowhere in sight. I searched the room with my eyes. Miranda was obviously too busy to help me then. I suddenly felt a warm hand on my exposed hip. The other arm wrapped around my neck and I was being hugged from behind. A mane of dark brown hair came close to my right here.  
  
"Gordo?" He didn't reply but just unrelentingly kept holding me. I twisted myself around. A clearly very intoxicated Gordo stood in front of me. " Have I told you how striking you appear tonight Lizzie? You seize my valuable breath absent." He slurred. I raised my eyebrow. Yep Gordo was drunk; he always started to babble when he was drunk, but it wasn't very often he got drunk, he would have a beer or two at a party but mainly he stayed away from drink. Miranda was another story. She was always the life of the party, she drunk and smoked at parties. She was a wild party animal at heart. I had never seen Gordo this drunk. "Jesus Gordo, of all the night to get drunk! What the fuck am I suppose to do with you?" I stated. Gordo held my hips again and gave me an ill look on his already pale face. I took him upstairs to an empty bedroom. He fell on the bed and lay silently. I sat next to the bed and he closed his eyes. He moaned and exhaled. He rolled over onto his stomach and faced me. He opened his eyes again.  
  
"I was seriously Lizzie. You do look brilliant. Good enough to eat." I smiled at him. He smiled back and closed his eyes again. He was exhausted and tired but he suddenly began to sit up and he shifted himself off the double bed. He stood tall over me and invited his hand out to me. I received it and he pulled my weight up. He lost his footing and fell over me and pushed me under him to the ground and my back absorbed the shock. " Oh, shit! I'm sorry Lizzie." He said laying on me. "Ah! Promise me you won't drink in a very lengthy time." " I'm not sober?" I rolled my eyes and dismissed his manner. He was still on top of me. His weight on top of me was securing comfy even. "I'm not only sorry about that, I'm sorry I gave such a coarse time about you and Ethan. I didn't mean anything to you its just that Ethan Craft, he's a fucking idiot. He doesn't deserve you." I looked Gordo up and down and stared at his lips. Gordo bent down slightly and brushed his lips against mine. He ran his hands down my back and pressed his lips against mine softly. I opened my mouth and Gordo slipped his tongue in my mouth. It was a gentle kiss with so much depth when our lips finally parted my eyes struggled to open again. " Oh, god! I'm so sorry Lizzie, I can't even believe I," he began getting off me. I quickly cut him off and grabbed the back of his neck and pull him one inch from my lips when he began to kiss me all over again. Gordo rolled over on his side stilling kissing me. He his hand under my top and fumble with my bra. The bedroom door all of a sudden flung back onto its hinches and had been kicked open. Ethan Craft stood in the entrance of the door.  
  
"Go Miranda, Go Miranda, Go Miranda!" screamed the mob that enclosed Miranda. She was dirty dancing on the coffee table of the house. People poured beer and all kinds of liquor down her top. She gave a lap dance to a guy on a sofa. She sat on his lap in front of him. Her rigid leather skirt stretched, he pulled her towards him and ran his fingers up and down her legs and tickled her. Her flattened his palm and slowly put his hand in her inner thigh. She stopped him, got up and pulled him upstairs. He held her hand and followed her closely. He kissed her collar and began lifting her top up. He touched her breast and turned her around violently and kissed her. She jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist. He held her up by her ass and grabbed it. He continued walking. He kissed her above her breasts. But suddenly Miranda's back felt impact from another person. She turned around and stepped jumped off the guy. She had bumped into Ethan. He was staring at two figures on the ground she stood next to him so her view was no longer blocked. Gordo held Lizzie on the ground. Miranda eyes widened. "Oh, my, God." She said gradually with incredulity. "Fuck." I said to myself. "Holy shit!" Gordo cursed. "I don't believe this..." Ethan stood in a state of absolute astonishment and shock. " Lizzie?" he spat out, "Gordon?" Gordo gave him an exceptionally pissed off glance. " My name is GORDO!" He cried out. He swiftly stood up straight and left the room. I watched him leave. Leaving me lying on the floor with Ethan, Miranda and that guy she was getting off with. All looked at me with different expressions. The guy slowly backed off and returned to the party. " Ethan, it wasn't my fault. It was him, he came all on to me." "I'm sorry Lizzie, whatever you are going say, It's not going to change anything. I'm never going to get rid of what I just saw. How could you do that? Gees Lizzie! You're a slut."  
  
Bastard! He acted like he was hurt so much when he was using this shit to break up with me guilt free. Asshole!  
  
" I'm so sorry Ethan." I said. " I really am." He left the room and drove home. Leaving Miranda, Gordo and me no way home. I wasn't sure if Gordo even wanted to go home with me anyway. I was mad with him, I was mad with myself. I know if I had seen Ethan crawling on the floor with some girl I would be hurt too. I had wounded him, but I guess Ethan wasn't very use to the girls cheating on him. I felt regret and remorse surge through me. I wanted to be sick, what had I done? I licked my lips and I could sense Gordo it was drowning my senses. All I could see, hear, feel, taste, and smell was David Gordon and I felt bad, because I liked that. Miranda laid her hand on me. She comforted me with her brown eyes. We gathered our stuff (the rest of Miranda's outfit) and left the still very alive party. I looked for Gordo but couldn't find him. He had walked home alone, to think or whatever.  
  
Gordo had marched out the room and travelled unaccompanied in the shadowy dark night. He stared down at his feet and seemed to be walking to nowhere in particular. He arrived closer to that nowhere. He had no answer or explanation. He had no question or reason. Lizzie McGuire packed his psyche and reached places he had never been. Lizzie's was running through him, her smile and how perfect she just happened to be. Her eyes illuminating plus the way she worried about everything made Gordo's heart beam. Her exquisiteness and finery was staggering. She was irremovable from his memory and imaginings. He had been apprehensive about leaving her at the party but he contemplated she might smack him one if he saw her again almost immediately. He knew anyway Lizzie would be okay because she always coped, one way or another, she constantly found a way. He knew from experience. He knew her and he loved her.  
  
Miranda and I went to Miranda's house because her parents would not wake. Miranda stumbled around the sidewalk but we arrived and I slept next to her. I couldn't sleep though for several hours, I wondered how I should react to Gordo. I wondered what I could say to make stuff the way they were before and I wanted Ethan to still be mine. I wanted to talk to him on the phone, well actually the one person I in truth wanted to natter to was Gordo, but this time I couldn't do that. Ethan Craft's reaction early made my stomach churn. It made me sweat and it was driving me insane. I wanted to tell Ethan it was his defect, it was his fucking fault! I wanted Ethan to forgive and just make we feel better about myself. I wished he would just climb through the window and say to me it didn't matter what had happened and that it wasn't significant and that he wanted was to be close by with me. I didn't feel as plain and hollow when my life long crush said he returned feelings toward me. Passionate and crazy things I wished for that night, I ran myself downwards and finally I rested.  
  
I woke at Miranda's house and she had obviously been awake for a few hours. She gave me a warm smile and sat next to me. "Lizzie? Last night was weird for all of us. I remember. But just don't forget something. We are going to go through a lot worst together and we're going to pull through. I'm sorry about Ethan, but maybe it just wasn't meant to be. You're my best friend and I never want to see you sad, do what you think is right." She paused because of a noise that came from outside her bedroom. " Also, get out here, I'll call you later." She shooed me out the window and through my shoes onto her balcony before answering her bedroom door. He mother questioned her as far as I could see but I ascended down the ladder before I could be sure. I slipped my shoes on and ran to my house. Without a sound I opened the door and went to my bedroom. I altered my clothes. I came down the stairs and greeted my mom who was oblivious to the event. What she didn't know didn't hurt her. I wasn't much of a fraudster and fortunately she didn't ask any questions. I took the house phone in my hand.  
  
I rang Gordo's number, it didn't pick up. I left a message on his machine. "Erm, Gordo it's me, Lizzie. Look I don't know if your avoiding me, or if we are talking or not or if you just aren't picking up. But can we meet somewhere please. How about the Digital Bean? The last time we stepped foot in there was the end of eight grade." The phone clicked, "Why is that?' Gordo's voice flooded my ears. "Gordo!" I yelled excited. "Why is it?" "Well now we are very responsible and mature adults and the fact we discovered Starbucks." "Do you think Starbucks Coffee will take over the world Lizzie?" "No, I don't." There was a pause. " Met we there please?" "Okay McGuire, but we don't talk about last night." This comment confused me. But I ignored it and agreed. We hung up and I grabbed my coat and left to met him there. The familiar doors of the Digital Bean appeared smaller to me. I opened it and the four walls threw memories into my brain. I saw Gordo sitting on the sofas at the far back. I approached him and we greeted each other normally. "Hey Gordo." "Hey Lizzie, so tell me what's up?" "I needed to talk to you." "Needed or need?" "Gordo, I want you to help me." "Anything you need." I sighed heavily and asked confidently. "Gordo, I want you to tell Ethan Craft what happened last night was your fault and that I didn't cheat on him and that you want him to be mine again." "What?" "Gordo please." "You said we wouldn't talk about last night." "I told you." "You want to tell me something, then you can tell what the hell is wrong with you? Ethan Craft? Ethan Craft? Lizzie trust me he hasn't even noticed your gone." "Shut your fucking face Gordo. This is your entire fucking fault anyway; you ruined the best thing that ever happened to me! You bastard! " "Don't Lizzie." "What don't you want me to do, blame you? Or like Ethan? "Both and don't think he was the best thing that ever happened to you, you'll never know just how wrong you are." I pointed my finger at him. I stepped toward him with every word. "Gordo you're going to find Ethan and you are going to tell him that you kissed me and I was preventing it." "No." Gordo replied arrogantly. " I won't. He doesn't deserve you." "I don't give a damn about who you think is good enough for me!" "No, Lizzie your answer is 'no'. I'm not going to." "Gordo if you were ever my friend, you'll do this for me." "No, because I'm your friend I'm not doing this." "God damn it, what the fuck is wrong with you! You are totally fucked in the head Gordo!" I fell back on an orange padded sofa behind me. I put my head in my head. "Gordo? Please." I whispered. I wept into my hands. I whimpered and I shed all my tears. I snivelled. And my mascara ran down my cheek. "Lizzie?" Gordo asked me very tenderly and sensitively. "I won't." He kneeled down at my knees and took a tissue from his pocket. He whipped my cheek and stroked it. "Please don't cry." He said in a soft voice. I pushed him back and sobbed hysterically and ran out. He chased me out the café and halted me by grabbed my limb forcing me to spin around in his direction. "Lizzie. I'm not doing because I want to hurt you." "Well Gordo, you are hurting me!" " Lizzie it's hurts me more. You have no idea how much it hurts me." "I don't think you know what it is like to be in love with someone." The words I said echoed in my ears. I didn't mean them; I didn't mean a single word of it. Gordo let go of my arm and his expression was intimidating. "You love him?" Gordo voice was at a complete loss but serious. I looked down on the ground. "Do you?" He asked again grimly almost shouting at me. I said nothing and stood as I was. "Lizzie!" He voice made people walking by turned to look at us. "Tell me you don't love him?" He said more calmly and very sweetly. "Do you?" I nodded once. He shut his eyes. I could see his eyes look at me sorrowfully. His heart had just been broken. "Okay Lizzie. I'll tell him, I'll lie for you. You love him." his words trailed off. He ambled off before I had an opportunity to say anything.  
  
Gordo walked away from Lizzie and attempted to clear his mind. Lizzie was in love with Ethan. There was nothing Gordo could ever do about that. All he wanted, the only thing he had ever wanted was for her to be happy. Ethan Craft did that; Gordo wished she had been lying. Gordo prayed for it, he begged God to change it; he yearned the fates to alter it. But neither answered, Lizzie was the only one who could and she wasn't going to. He walked to Ethan's apartment. He had been to Ethan's once before, to attend Ethan's 'moving out of home' party. Gordo walked there even though it was way across town. His legs ached by the time he arrived there. He thumped his fist against Ethan door. "Ethan! Open this shitting door!" Gordo hollered. Ethan had just waked up. It was still early in the day around eleven o'clock. Ethan answered the door only wearing trousers. Ethan was still taller than Gordo, which put him off looking him in the eye. " Yeah? Oh, Gordon? I mean Gordo, sorry. What's up man? Enjoying that Lizzie girl. She's a hot bitch but she'll kick you when you're down. I always though her lips were dead sexy though." "Ethan I didn't come to talk about how hot we both know Lizzie is." " Miranda is alright too, could you give me her number man?" "Leave her alone." "Chill Gordo, why you standing there. Come in." Ethan opened the door wider and Gordo entered. The floor was covered with Ethan's clothes. Beer cans were scattered on the floor and a mountain of dirty dishes piled over the kitchen worktop. A musky aroma greeted Gordo. Sweat and the stale smell of sex seemed detectable. You could tell Ethan had never even opened the windows. Gordo sat on top of the small sofa and began talking. " Ethan I need to talk to you about last night." "Oh, you mean you and Lizzie. Yeah that really bummed me out; I've never had a girl cheat on me before. Yeah, Gordon I'm never going to forget that." "Well, Lizzie didn't cheat on you. I started kissing her and she tried to stop me. It wasn't her fault, it was mine, please forgive her." Ethan was stunned. "Gordon, why you saying this?" "I want Lizzie to be happy." "If you want her to be happy why ain't she with you?" "Ethan, she doesn't want to be with me. She loves you." Ethan smiled. "Beer?" he offered and Gordo accepted. "Actually how many have you got?" "Have them all." Ethan stacked the beer bottles on the table in an orderly three-dimensional pyramid. "Gordon, that love thing, me and Lizzie ain't got it." "Well she seems to be very intend on being with you, don't ya think?" Gordo opened a beer and foam dripped from the opening on to the floor. It was bitter, but Gordo didn't observe, he was bitterer inside, than a fleet of beer bottles could ever be. He abided the beer with steady gulps.  
  
"Gordon.Gordo, do you know anything about woman, Man! You're the only guy I have ever met with a dick that needs an instruction manual. Lizzie doesn't love me. She loves you, she just doesn't know it yet." "Fuck you Ethan, okay? You wouldn't know love if it shitted on you. Now I've come here to tell you to go forgive her, so go do that!" Gordo put down his beer, (being sure not to spill any) grasped Ethan by his arm, heaved him on his feet, picked a shirt from off the ground, lobbed it at him and chucked him out his own front door. "Go tell her, that you have forgiven and forgotten!" "Alright man! What is wrong with you? You have forever been weird " "Leave!" "Jesus Gordon!" "GORDO!" He shrieked back before slamming the front door shut.  
  
I can't believe I had just told Gordo I loved Ethan Craft. I still can't believe it, even now. He looked so genuinely wounded after I had nodded my head in agreement to his question. I knew no one had ever caused him as much pain. His green maroon eyes seemed to ache at me. I walked aimlessly trying to forget Gordo's pain, trying to forget my own pain. Strangers passed me, they had no names or faces, they were just part of the street I walked down. They were parts of moving scenery. But a blond woman bumped into me and my little daze has been invaded. "Excuse me!" The woman belted out sarcastically. I met her eyes and the woman was no longer just another stranger. "Kate?" "Lizzie McGuire." "Yeah?" I was a little taken back with the full named greeting but a face from my past was pleasant, even if she was for the most part unpleasant herself. "Look, Lizzie, I know we hate each other..." I cut her off, with a come back I was very happy at the time to be uttering. " Oh, I more than hate you." "Lizzie, for God's sake listen to me. Even though we are enemies, I would feel very guilty for the rest of my life if I didn't tell you something about the party last night." Still not interested but I gave her a second to explain what she meant. "I do have feelings okay? Seeing someone be with an asshole hurts me, because I've I know what that is like. Ethan Craft, is that asshole, don't make the same mistake I made. Don't tell yourself you love him, or that you need him, because no one on earth needs his shit. Ethan Craft slept with like five girls last night. He fucked them one by one, who knows maybe he had a threesome as well, it's more than likely." "Fuck off Kate." "Lizzie you know what I'm saying is truth, we spilt for God damn reason, didn't we? Cause the mother fucking bastard sleeps with every girl he fucking well meets; he's a player, play him for once." Kate didn't wait for my reply, she didn't wait for my reaction and she didn't wait for a look. She waited for nothing. She just walked off. And so there I was just standing there, I don't really know why. Maybe I could have come up with some witty response to throw right back in Kate forever snobby face. I knew she was right, I knew Ethan Craft was a twisted womaniser and just knew it. I had known it all along; I had known that since our first date. I just didn't want to believe it.  
  
Miranda was alone; she had been watching television for hours and was convinced her brain would seep out her ears if she didn't stop. She held the remote, barely able to clutch it and turned the T.V off. She wondered what to do to occupy her time. She thought to call Lizzie, but guessed somehow that now was not really the time, the situation between Gordo and her other best friend was one she wished to not get entrapped in. Anyway she was still very hung over. She dialled Gordo's cell phone number with the plastic keys. He picked up after several rings. "Hm?" "Hi to you too." "Oh, hi." Gordo responded in a blunt flat tone. "Where are you?" "Ethan Craft's pit." "I know you don't want me to ask you about last night." "Then don't." "Tough shit, what happened last night?" " Okay, I kissed Lizzie, Ethan dumped her, she tells me to tell Ethan to take her back, I do, Ethan goes or is going to tell her she is forgiven." Gordo answered very rapidly. "But Gordo what about you and Lizzie?" "ME and Lizzie? Me and Lizzie!" Gordo shouted down the phone shocked. "Yeah, you know that girl you're in love with." "Me and Lizzie, ha, that's a idea, no that's a dream. Miranda, I am second to Ethan, no, I'm a fucking million under that prick. So you can just forget Lizzie and me. Lizzie in love with him, she loves him." Gordo quiet. A tiny sob came from down the line and Gordo gasped and almost began crying and he said in a long whisper, " She loves him and she doesn't love me, I'm nothing to Lizzie McGuire, I'm just this fucking loser, I'm fucking nothing! I'm noting! I love her, I love her so much I would die her, and I want her to love me but she doesn't. She loves him. Miranda why? Tell me why? Please tell why? Why him, why not me? "Gordo?" Miranda asked full of concern and worry but what was she suppose to say. What the hell could she say? "I'm sorry." "Bye Miranda." Gordo hung up on her. He turned his phone off and left Ethan's place. He was back on the street not really sure where to go but he just headed wherever he felt.  
  
Kate had really hit me where it hurt, my heart, my feelings, my soul. Ethan Craft was worth any tears; Miranda had told me no guy is worth tears, and the only one that is worth any tears, would never make you cry. The walls of my world were falling at my feet and the only person I wanted to run away to, was only the person where I really I belonged with. If he knew how much that moment meant to me, and if he knew how happy he had made me, and how long I'd been waiting, I never thought it would ever happen to me. If only Gordo knew. If he just knew. I wish instead of protecting me he would just kiss me again. Hold me in his arms and never let me go. Ethan Craft was lust. Fucking lust, life is a bitch then you die. Gordo sat there in the shadows and he calls it his elite. I didn't need his protection me. I needed protection from him. I wondered where he was; what was his world like? I wish I could just read his mind. I didn't know Gordo sometimes, though I really should have. Waste is a thief and I had wasted my life worrying over shit that never really mattered. I wasn't ready for a fall. I wasn't ready to fall in love that night. It is so hard to be in love and so much easier not to care. But I loved the way he wasn't scared of people, never scared of life. I love the way he spoke his mind and I love the way he swore, I love the way he drove and everything the wore. I couldn't ask anyone else to do it better than he did it. I really wished I were like him. Why were we dancing around the obvious? I was in love with David 'Gordo' Gordon and all I wanted to do was tell him. But I had just instructed him to tell Ethan that I love him! I had to find him.  
  
Gordo walked near his old junior school, this fall Miranda Lizzie and he all started as freshman in college. He remembered high school well, but he remembered junior high better. He remembered the things that Lizzie used to care about, and how pointless they seemed now, the model fiasco, Lizzie's first boyfriend and it really was true to say, they had been through pretty much everything together.  
  
Lizzie and Gordo had always had this indescribable chemistry between them; most people would have though they would end up together but now it seemed it would never be. Happily ever after was bullshit as far as he was concerned and now nothing he did made sense any more, his world felt emptier than he ever thought it could be. The lack of one person's love made the world a very hollow place, almost too hard to live in.  
  
The sun was setting in the distance and quickly it was night, and Gordo had spent his time looking at the school he had once attended and was leaving behind. Gordo had never really had any male friends, but he wasn't sure if he regretted that or not, so would a couple of stupid male boning session ever compare to the deep trust he had with Lizzie and Miranda. In high school and junior high Lizzie and Miranda had always been close, probably because girls stick with each other. Girls Kick Ass, that's what the t- shirt says. But still Lizzie shared moments with Gordo that Miranda would never understand. She would have thought it would have been a little to close to go with a friend like Gordo, but Lizzie was willing to cross that line. She got a kick out of Gordo that Miranda didn't see or feel. Miranda was a lovely caring person, but there were some things Lizzie could never say to her. Gordo wasn't looking forward to Monday morning; it was there last week of high school. He thought about every moment Lizzie had spent obsessing over Ethan and decided that Lizzie hadn't just decided to love him, that it was a crush that grew and finally became love. He knew he shouldn't stand in his best friend's way but apart of him knew Lizzie had been dishonest. First of all he would have known she had loved him long before, why would Lizzie hide their relationship from him if she loved him, and Miranda would have slipped it out eventually, plus, Miranda hadn't tried to council him into not loving Lizzie, actually Miranda had encourage him to discover his exact feelings. In fact the more he thought about, the way he asked Lizzie if she loved Ethan or not, Lizzie would have said anything to get him to go to Ethan's place and get them back together. Really Gordo had given Lizzie no other choice but to say it. Gordo realized that Lizzie was just twisting his arm into doing it; make him feel so guilty that he would have to tell Ethan, and Lizzie knew he would if she just said the right things, because Gordo was a good friend, he put that above all other things. Lizzie didn't love Ethan and so Gordo thought he would tell her his feeling, she had a right to know and Gordo had a right to tell her. He got up and start racing around for Lizzie. Tonight he would tell her.  
  
I had been walking around clueless, I wasn't even sure what I was going to say to Gordo when I saw him but it would just come to me, if I was truly honest. I walked in the direction of Ethan's apartment. I was whipping my head around to see a friendly face and I finally did, well a back of a head of a friendly face. Ethan was talking to three girls. His arm was resting against a wall. They were giggling and flirting with him. Ethan was giving them his cheesy 'I'm the best smile' and they were buying it. I crossed the bust hectic road and shouted Ethan's name out. When it finally got his attention he shooed the girls away but not before receiving bits of papers, obviously with phones numbers on.  
  
"Ethan!" "Yeah, Lizzie?" "Have you since Gordo? "Yeah, he by my place, we talk you know, he told me to find you, and as you can see that is what I was doing." "Yeah right." "Coolie, oh and by the way, if have come to tell me to forgive you, its alright, I forgive you and all is forgotten." "Excuse me?" "What? I forgive you babe, now come here." He tired to kiss me. " Get the hell off me. Take me to your place, is that where you last saw Gordo?" "My place it is babe." He gave a suggestive nudge. "Forget Gordo." "Lets go." I ordered. We walked in silence and I kept as far away from his a noticeable possible. The lights were all off, and Ethan climbed the steps and banged on the door, calling for Gordo.  
  
"Fuck!" "What, where's Gordo?" "Ah, I don't have a fucking key, I thought Gordo would be here when I got back, fuck! Do you mind doing it out here do you?" I started laughing. "What?" "What are you deaf? I do not have a key, lets fuck out here." He started holing me hips and kissing my neck. I push him off with more force than I had ever used. "Get the fuck away from me!" I screamed. "Sit Ethan." I pointed at the step and commanded him very flatly. He didn't obliged. "SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!" Ethan wore a very frightened face and did so in a heartbeat. "Ethan, I think we should talk."  
  
"About the birds and the bees?" he said playfully. "Ethan, you are utterly and totally fucked in the head. You have got anything you have wanted your whole goddamn mockery of a life. You are a womaniser and you have issues with woman." "Huh?" "You are a stupid fuck, and I hate you. I feel sick when I look at you." "Huh?" "I know you cheated on me you piece of shit, Kate told me so! I can't believe I ever touched you. Ugh! I don't even believe you, and you have the balls to come step to me and say I hurt you. You! Act like kissing him even compared, what the fuck is wrong with you, I can't be with someone who isn't even my friend. You're a damn liar and macho loser. I don't love you and I don't ever want to see your face. You're not who I thought you were."  
  
I ran off, leaving Ethan Craft locked out and behind me. He was behind me, I had experienced that whole lust thing and I hadn't enjoyed it, I was looking for more. Lust is different to love, Love is forever, if your really are in love you never stop feeling it, ever, but lust goes as quickly as it comes, everyone will experience lust but it doesn't last. I needed Gordo like I needed air, I couldn't breathe, I kept trying and just I couldn't breathe.  
  
Gordo had walked to the outskirts of town, to where he had shot a piece of his award winning media class movie. There were two large openings with a small canal with a bridge connecting them. Gordo had liked this place a lot. In the two openings, there once stood a large factories but the two building had been demolished years before, but ash still plastered the soil and bricks and building material lay dominate. Gordo liked to climb over the barrier of the bridge and let his feet dangle. There was more than enough room for him and the fall would have only been five foot. Lizzie had spent a lot of time with him there. Lizzie had starred in the movie. Miranda wasn't much of an actress, seventh grade proved it.  
  
I was still thinking where to go, when I remember a place Gordo had like to take a seat and think. It was weak bridge that could collapse at any time in the wasteful delaminated part of town, I liked it though, and it had character. I began running there I felt my feet rub in my high heels and knew I would have blisters in the morning. I came running and I ripped on the debris on the hard ground. I had reached there in ten minutes, and I recognised the empty nothing where a building once stood. I stood over the bridge and I couldn't see anything. But Gordo was watching me, never saying a word.  
  
"Fuck! Where are you?" I sighed and climbed over the opposite side of the bridge to sit on the ledge and dangle my feet.  
  
Gordo heard Lizzie approach and say very loudly, "Fuck! Where are you?" then turn and sit on the ledge. He got up very inaudibly and stood behind her.  
  
I observed the filthy water under me slide about. It didn't know what to do next. Where was I suppose to go, or do. I just needed a break, some help. I put my head in my hands. I jumped up all of a sudden because a warm hand lay on my shoulder. I climbed over the barrier and hugged him. It meant so much to me.  
  
" I'm sorry I yelled at you Lizzie." He said to me as the hug ended. "I'm sorry I....I'm just sorry." " You haven't done anything wrong Lizzie." "Yes, yes I have. I've been looking everywhere for you." " I was looking for you too." "I lied to you about Ethan." " What about Ethan?" "I don't love Ethan Craft." "You don't?" "No." " I knew that. But I want to tell you something. I don't want to be friends anymore. I'm sick of it. I'm absolutely sick of it." "What?" "You heard me Lizzie. I don't want to be your friend." "Is that what you wanted to tell me?" "Yes." "I want to be so much more." "What are you talking about? No wait, let me talk, I don't love Ethan and I never did and I want to know how you knew that." "I just knew. I know you." " I wish I knew you." "You do know me, more anyone else in the world. Don't you feel it sometimes?" "Feel what?" "That thing, that electricity between us. Don't you feel?" " I do feel it Gordo. Every time you did a caring, nice, sweet thing for me I felt it." "Tell me, would you feel it now?" " I'd feel it..." Gordo took me in his arms and kissed me so softy I could barely feels his lips. We parted. " Gordo? "I'm in love with. I'm so tried of this love, I know, you might not feel the same way but that night I saw you and Ethan, I nearly died. I swear to god, I've never suffered so intensely and been so envious in my life. So I guess we can't be friends, I can't deal with that, I want more, much more, so I guess I should just stay away from you in a while, it won't be so bad, there is always Miranda and I'm sure you and me won't even notice it in a while. Just do me a favour, just before you say anything, don't say you love if you don't mean it. Don't feel like you will hurt my feelings and don't think this will ruin our friendship. Our friendship is going to be tainted by this, but I'm always going to be there but please just tell me the truth. I feel the earth moves, it hurts too, there's nothing else my heart can do, I lay my head down on the shoulder of a good friend and I have to look away somehow and have the way I felt ignored, and I pray the day would come when I hear you say you feel it too. I understand, I could, I would, and more had anybody can. I'm falling love, and I'm so tried of this game. I don't want to hurt you; I just want to make you happy. I want to know, right now, will it be yes or.. sorry?"  
  
"Gordo, you got to tell if your gonna break my heart because I don't want to take chance, and if that not true is this gonna be nothing but a poor romance? So give that promise to hold on to, and I'll never let you go. I just need something to go on."  
  
" You have our past, you have every memory and you have this." Gordo held my hand and place it over his chest, so I could feel his heartbeat. "This is mine?" "Yes it's yours. It's always been yours." "You're amazing Gordo, and I love you." I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. " I'm just plain old Lizzie McGuire, I used to believe that there was nothing worth while in me, I don't believe it now. I know together we get though anything, do anything we want. I used to think my life wouldn't be anything special but now I know it will. Thank you Gordo."  
  
  
  
  
  
The End  
  
Please write a review please. Pls. 


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